Infograph Me

Here's a list of things you'll never catch me doing:

• reading the newspaper
• watching the Discovery Channel
• reading a non-fiction book
• looking through a telescope

Here are a list of things you will catch me doing:

• watching reality TV
• rapping Nicki Minaj lyrics over and over
• painting my dog's toenails
• drooling from the mouth

Needless to say, I'm not the thirstiest for knowledge.
Should I be ashamed? Probably. Am I? Nope.

But for some reason, if some information is presented in one of these newfangled "infographics" that are flying around the internet lately, I will read that shit like it's the latest issue of Us Weekly.

Take this one for example.  If I saw an article on "Marketing Automation," I would pass by that faster than you can say Unisom.  But the infographic? Read it top to bottom.  Ok, maybe not bottom. 

Here's one that actually is interesting:

Dear Rich Guy

Dear Rich Guy,
    I'm sure it sounded like a pretty good idea to park your expensive sports car at CVS like this:

However, while lowering the chances of someone opening their car door into yours, you're also increasing the chances of someone taking a baseball bat to your windshield for being an asshole.

Thanks,

     Shannon

P.S. Thanks to www.youparklikeanasshole.com, you can print out these handy-dandy tickets and put them on people's windshields!

True Beauty

I can't stand it when people post pictures online with a caption that says something about how horrible they look in that picture.

Bitch, please.

If you really thought you looked like shit, you would not be posting it on Facebook or Twitter or ChristianMingle.com or whatever other site you're tooling around on.

Take this picture, for example, from Real Housewife of OC Gretchen Rossi's Twitter:

Caption: Just finished my last hosting gig and in car on way home! Don't I look tired :)

No, actually, you look like a team of angels flew down and buffed your face with diamond dust and then drew on your eyebrows with gold flakes they sifted out of the rivers of Heaven.

If you're going to post a picture with a caption saying you look horrible, please make sure you look horrible. Like Katy Perry:

Also please make sure you're making a face that says "I'm trying really hard to pass this kidney stone."