True Beauty

I can't stand it when people post pictures online with a caption that says something about how horrible they look in that picture.

Bitch, please.

If you really thought you looked like shit, you would not be posting it on Facebook or Twitter or ChristianMingle.com or whatever other site you're tooling around on.

Take this picture, for example, from Real Housewife of OC Gretchen Rossi's Twitter:

Caption: Just finished my last hosting gig and in car on way home! Don't I look tired :)

No, actually, you look like a team of angels flew down and buffed your face with diamond dust and then drew on your eyebrows with gold flakes they sifted out of the rivers of Heaven.

If you're going to post a picture with a caption saying you look horrible, please make sure you look horrible. Like Katy Perry:

Also please make sure you're making a face that says "I'm trying really hard to pass this kidney stone."

An Independence Day Drinking Game

Happy Fourth!  If you've already tired of hamburgers, hot dogs, and accidentally blowing yourself up, I've created a fun game you can play alone or with others!

Log onto Facebook and start scrolling through your mini-feed.  Take one shot for every time someone posts lyrics from and/or video of Katy Perry's song "Firework."  Continue until you pass out.

Because nothing says "America" like sparklers shooting out of your boobs.