Dear Rich Guy

Dear Rich Guy,
    I'm sure it sounded like a pretty good idea to park your expensive sports car at CVS like this:

However, while lowering the chances of someone opening their car door into yours, you're also increasing the chances of someone taking a baseball bat to your windshield for being an asshole.

Thanks,

     Shannon

P.S. Thanks to www.youparklikeanasshole.com, you can print out these handy-dandy tickets and put them on people's windshields!

WHY?!?!

DO PEOPLE DRIVE UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT???

I understand people that drive at the speed limit.  It's the law.  I get that.  I don't have a problem with them.  Personally, I only ever drive about 5 over, just to be on the safe side.

BUT UNDER???

What's the point?  Really, what is the reason for driving slower than you have to?  I just came up with some acceptable scenarios in my head:

1. You're looking for somewhere you've never been.

THAT'S IT.

And now since we have a little thing called GPS, even that shouldn't be an excuse!

Here are some unacceptable scenarios:

1. You're attempting to text and drive.
2. You're attempting to pick your nose and drive.
3. You're attempting to eat that foot long sub and drive.
4. You just don't have anything better to do so MIGHT AS WELL drive 20 in a 45!!!

Bumper Stickers pt.1

Bumper stickers say a lot about you.  When you're driving in your car, it's really the only way passing strangers can gain insight to your life.  For this reason, I love to look at a car's bumper sticker collection and decide exactly what kind of person is driving.  90% of these people are idiots (of course).

My first species is the "I'm Going To Display All Members Of My Family Via Bumpersticker" species. I know you've seen them.  They're EVERYWHERE.  It started off as this:

Then people started getting super creative and coming up with things like this:

What should I interpret from this?  That you're a family of feet?  Oh and here's one I saw recently:

Does this mean your entire family has died?  That's pretty sad.  Who's driving? The Crypt Keeper?

I really don't understand the purpose of these.  If anything, this car is sitting in your driveway and telling that serial killer who just climbed through your window exactly how many skin-suits he can make.

Labels

I see a lot of things as I drive down the road everyday.  One thing I don't understand are people who have specially-made front license plates that simply display the make or model of their car.
Examples:

This worries me.  Should I start labeling everything in my life?  Should I put a big sign on my front door that says "APARTMENT" ?

The only time these license plates should be used is to trick people into thinking you have an Escalade or a Navigator.  Put one on your Honda Civic and no one will know the difference.