So You Want To Be a Rap Star

It's easy!

1) Someone close to you has to die.

This way, at least 55% of your music can be paying tribute to that person; talking about how you owe them your life, your career, and your firstborn child.  Who needs creativity when you have a dead friend?!

2) You must have a cool-looking scar somewhere everyone can see.

Nothing will better prove that you're a bad-ass than a highly visible bodily scar.  Fell off a swing set in third grade? Great! Just stretch the truth a bit to involve some sort of gang fight on that playground, and you've got yourself a battle scar.  Think...Mary J. Blige:

WOAH that was almost her eye!

3) You must tattoo your area code somewhere on your body.

You've gotta rep your hood! Even if it is...Louisiana...

4) Finally, you must speak as if your jaw's wired shut. (BONUS POINTS IF IT REALLY IS!)

We all know Kanye went Through the Wire...

Ouch.  Even if your jaw's not sewn up tight, there's no reason you still can't talk like that! The harder it is to understand you, the more successful your music will be.  Case in point:

WORST SONG EVER

3 Musicians You May or May Not Know pt. 1

You know those people who, when you mention any semi-obscure band or musician, they're like this:

"Oh, The Blue Orphanage Club? Oh, yeah, I totally knew them when they were playing gigs at like, Starbucks and gas stations.  In fact, I actually helped them write their first song.  But, ya know, I don't really like them anymore.  They're too mainstream now..."

 This is not going to be like that.  These are just some musicians that I really like, that you may or may not know!  Also, I'd like to point out that this is not a RANT but indeed it is a RAVE.


I'm not always bitching, you know.


A Fine Frenzy

Some of their songs are happy.  Some are sad.  All are good.  Such as this one:



Amos Lee

Listening to Amos Lee makes me feel like I'm sitting in a giant bowl of melting caramel.  If you'd like to feel like that also, click below.



Keane

Lots of great piano playing and lyrics that will make you say "WAIT, how'd they get in my brain?!"