Photo Overload

I, along with 98% of the population, am a Facebook stalker.  Most won't admit this.  Let's face it, Facebook was made for stalking. So, being the good creeper that I am, I log on and visit the newly uploaded photo albums to see what jewels my friends have in store for me.  Every now and then I'll click on an album of about 100 pictures or so of an event, thinking I've really hit the jackpot, when I realize that this person has simply dumped their entire memory stick into an album instead of picking and choosing the highlights.

It gets even worse when I start clicking through the pictures and see that they were taken within 2 seconds of each other.  Sometimes if I click fast enough, it's like watching a movie! HEHEHE

Probably should invest in one of these.

But seriously.  All I want to see is a few embarrassing photos of your life.  Not 34 of your Grandma cutting her birthday cake or 28 of your dog peeing for the first time.

VagueBookers

First off, I would like to thank my wonderful friend Sarah for introducing me to the correct term for these types of people. If you don't know what it is, well...that's why you're reading this post. DUH.

We all have a VagueBooker or 2(000) on our Facebook friends list.  As you scroll through your news feed you can't help but to NOT FEEL SORRY FOR THEM ONE STINKING BIT.

You know the status: "Feeling so lost right now. What do I do?"

Or, if they're a real VagueBooking pro: "My world just came crashing down. I can't believe this happened.  Especially after everything that happened last month!"

Now you, reader, might be thinking to yourself,  "This girl's a real bitch!"

You're right.

But even the non-bitchiest of people should be able to see that these VagueBookers aren't really hurting that bad!  If they were seriously in pain and sorrow, they wouldn't be posting it on Facebook. They'd be crying into one of the following:

• beer
• gallon of ice cream
• microphone at a karaoke bar

They're looking for attention!  DON'T GIVE IN.  The best Vaguebooking statuses are the ones that have ZERO COMMENTS and were posted THREE DAYS AGO.  We call this negative reinforcement.

Unrealistic Requests

People never cease to amaze me with what they post on Facebook.  One thing that I look at and think "You're a dumbass," are statuses that follow this formula:

"Who wants to buy me a _____________? "

Usually this blank is filled with something pretty expensive, such as:

• a new car!
• a new wardrobe!
• a new iPad!

First of all, who's on your friends list?  Jay-Z? Bill Gates? One of the Real Housewives?  Do you really think that the kid who sat behind you in Psychology is going to be looking through his mini-feed one day, see your status, and say "Hell yes, I do!" and message you for your mailing address?

Secondly, what are you trying to accomplish?  I already think you're nuts for asking 130 of your not-so-closest friends to grant your wishes.  Now I'll add "poor and unfortunate" to that list since you're begging for hand-outs.

Note: The only exception is this guy: