True Beauty

I can't stand it when people post pictures online with a caption that says something about how horrible they look in that picture.

Bitch, please.

If you really thought you looked like shit, you would not be posting it on Facebook or Twitter or ChristianMingle.com or whatever other site you're tooling around on.

Take this picture, for example, from Real Housewife of OC Gretchen Rossi's Twitter:

Caption: Just finished my last hosting gig and in car on way home! Don't I look tired :)

No, actually, you look like a team of angels flew down and buffed your face with diamond dust and then drew on your eyebrows with gold flakes they sifted out of the rivers of Heaven.

If you're going to post a picture with a caption saying you look horrible, please make sure you look horrible. Like Katy Perry:

Also please make sure you're making a face that says "I'm trying really hard to pass this kidney stone."

I'm the Kind of Girl That..

If you're ever on Facebook or Twitter or Blogspot or Tumblr or Myspace (really?) or Pinterest or ANY sort of social networking site, you've probably seen little quotes or graphics that start off with:

"I'm the type of girl that..."

And ends in some statement that we all know is probably the farthest from the truth, but she has posted it on her profile to seem cute and different!

Anyway, I've taken the time to translate a few of these for you. Enjoy.

"I have horrible grammar and I love Taylor Swift."

"I have one friend that I met in a chat room."

"My favorite band is Paramore and my Mom still packs my lunch everyday."

"I've read all of the Twilight books twice."