True Beauty

I can't stand it when people post pictures online with a caption that says something about how horrible they look in that picture.

Bitch, please.

If you really thought you looked like shit, you would not be posting it on Facebook or Twitter or ChristianMingle.com or whatever other site you're tooling around on.

Take this picture, for example, from Real Housewife of OC Gretchen Rossi's Twitter:

Caption: Just finished my last hosting gig and in car on way home! Don't I look tired :)

No, actually, you look like a team of angels flew down and buffed your face with diamond dust and then drew on your eyebrows with gold flakes they sifted out of the rivers of Heaven.

If you're going to post a picture with a caption saying you look horrible, please make sure you look horrible. Like Katy Perry:

Also please make sure you're making a face that says "I'm trying really hard to pass this kidney stone."

Overheard..

Have you ever been to http://www.overheardinnewyork.com ?  If not, go now.  I don't even care if you leave my blog (however it will conveniently open in a new window).  Anyways, it's hilarious.  People send in ridiculous things they've overheard in NYC.  And you know they got some crazies:

Starting today, I will share with you things I've heard in my almost-as-exciting town.  My first jewel was overheard at, none other than, THE WAL-MART:


20-something girl on phone to most likely 20-something friend: "I ordered the BLT and didn't even know what it stood for before I got it and ate it!  I know!  Do you know what it stands for?"

...and so on and so forth.  I actually followed this girl for like 30 seconds to see how it would all pan out, and turns out she never got around to actually saying "Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato."  Also, why would you order something that could possibly stand for "Blue Lion Testicles" ?

Unrealistic Requests

People never cease to amaze me with what they post on Facebook.  One thing that I look at and think "You're a dumbass," are statuses that follow this formula:

"Who wants to buy me a _____________? "

Usually this blank is filled with something pretty expensive, such as:

• a new car!
• a new wardrobe!
• a new iPad!

First of all, who's on your friends list?  Jay-Z? Bill Gates? One of the Real Housewives?  Do you really think that the kid who sat behind you in Psychology is going to be looking through his mini-feed one day, see your status, and say "Hell yes, I do!" and message you for your mailing address?

Secondly, what are you trying to accomplish?  I already think you're nuts for asking 130 of your not-so-closest friends to grant your wishes.  Now I'll add "poor and unfortunate" to that list since you're begging for hand-outs.

Note: The only exception is this guy: